you would pick up someone in the library
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
