Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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