they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
