So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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