I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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