At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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