I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
