I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
