happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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