yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
