She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
