i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
