STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
