the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
