Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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