Umm I'm too high to move.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
