Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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