Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
