I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
