Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
