I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
