my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He shit in the fireplace
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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