$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
