just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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