He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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