I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
