Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
