i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
