I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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