You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
