I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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