So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
