guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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