I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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