I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
