my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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