the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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