Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
