Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
