Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
