pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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