Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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