I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
