seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
