Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
