i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
