Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
