I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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