the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
