Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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