my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
