I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
