I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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