i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
