your parents love me but you hate me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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