He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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