my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
