We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
