rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
