guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
