my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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