You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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