So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
