dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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