You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
