i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
