Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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