just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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