I intend to get homeless drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
