just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
